I often feel embarrassed about my lack of decisiveness. This life is short in the grand scale of things and the idea of going to college straight out of high school was way too daunting for me. I didn’t know what I wanted to be, I’d spent the last 4 years of my life just wanting to get out of high school- now I’ve gotta decide something else?
I had always been a gamer, and I remember how often as kids I’d hear, “I wish I could get paid to play video games”. For some reason, that just seemed like a delusional dream, and then I got a little bit older (20) and realized, people actually DO get paid to play games. All the time. That led to my job as a QA Tester for about 2 ½ years. Eventually the company shut down and I found myself drifting for a while.
I finally made it up in my mind that I wanted more and began applying to find a job in the game industry that would give me more knowledge and more responsibility. To no avail. A year went by and I would have never imagined given my drive and initiative that it would take so long, but it would take so much longer. So much longer in fact 4 years later it still hasn’t happened. Eventually it led me down a HUGE stretch of depression of questioning my worth and whether I was good enough and it was during that time I created Cynical 7, a game full of comedy and satire inspired by my own failures. I’m not gonna lie, the game was SUPER dark at first, but I kept pushing through and the days got brighter thanks to a small but sturdy sliver of support.
Showing Cynical 7 at the a convention really lead me to to commit to finishing this game, so many people found it relatable and I knew that even if it isn’t destined to bask in the spotlight this was something I believed in, not just a game but a part of me, soul and heart, and to give on it no matter what the odds, would be in a way saying I give up on myself and that my dream isn’t worth fighting for.
So, even if I complete fail to fund this game, I will have went down with the ship, my ship, standing by my game and not losing faith in it because it doesn’t resonate with the masses. So my mind is made up, I believe in myself, I believe in my game and the story it has to tell, and I look forward to hard 30 days of campaigning!